What happened next absolutely astonished me and was completely unexpected. The next events have deepened the meaning of this entire story and have completely changed my life and beliefs. It is indeed mirabile dictu, wonderful to relate.

I’m going to have to tell a little history to put these events in a meaningful context. Ever since Tom revealed his infidelities, about ten years ago, I haven’t had a picture of him visible anywhere. At first, I was too angry at him to look at him, then too sad when I thought of his wasted life and all the happiness we’d missed.

After his dream revelations, which I spoke of earlier, he only visibly appeared in my dreams occasionally, usually being mean or pursuing another woman, in other words, he was a nightmare. These were constant reminders that we had never been really married, other than legally.

In contrast, he was always sending me friendlier messages via Pandora. Almost every time I put Pandora on random play, the same songs replayed: I’m Working My Way Back to You, by the Spinners, with the constant reprise “I’m really sorry.” Was it Tom? No other song played so constantly. Then I woke up one night having actually heard the song Unchained Melody, with the word “Time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much, are you still mine? I need your love; God speed your love to me,” in my dream. This was one of the rare clairaudient experiences I’ve ever had. That I was sure must be Tom.

Actually, the truth was, I wasn’t still his. I pitied him, but that’s very different from still loving him. I didn’t hate him anymore, but so many memories had turned bitter, because so many of those memories obviously involved instances of cheating; also, so much love and support for me and our son had been sadly missing; all of this making it almost impossible to forgive and forget. I tried to, but in my heart, I couldn’t forget and probably not forgive either. He’d always led two lives. 

As you can see, from the last two blogs, The Eagle and Epilogue, the best I hoped for was that he’d moved on to a better world and could now rest in peace. I’d received many advantages from being married to Tom and I was grateful; but at romance and marriage, I was convinced we’d failed utterly. I’d given up on love altogether. We’d never been in love. I took a rather cynical view of Tom’s feelings for me. He was fond of me, I was convenient and helpful, but at the end of his life, he’d resented having married me. Move on, Marcy, face it.

On January 20 and 21, 2024, I finally finished up my rewrite about the meaning of Tom’s dreams and included my new understanding regarding his mother. Then, having listened again to Marilyn Van Derbur’s video, I realized I had to go further, so I forced myself to ‘face it.’ I knew I had to confront the word ‘incest’, an ugly word and an ugly deed. I wrote the blog post The I Word and finally published it on January 21, 2024. In order to put it in its proper place in the story, I had to change the publication date for the blog to remain in order. That’s what changed everything.

Literally, the night after I published it, strange things began to happen. As I was half-awake the next morning, I heard steady breathing by my ear. At first, I thought it might be the dog, but I felt around the bed, and he wasn’t there. In my groggy state, I thought for some odd reason I must be hearing my own breathing. Finally, waking up more fully, I realized I couldn’t hear my own breathing. Then I knew it must be a visitation from Tom. I was sure of that. He was glad I had finally told his story; I had “faced it,” with him. Strange that he should come so close to me. I was surprised but didn’t think too much about it. For me, it’s always very hard to credit these experiences as being real. An acting teacher once told me I had an over-developed sense of truth.

But that was only the beginning. On February 3, he appeared in a lucid dream wearing his favorite Burberry trench coat. I could tell he was very happy and feeling very good. He was smiling and telling me not to worry. I was surprised, because it had been a long time since he’d actually visibly appeared in one of my dreams, or had seemed so happy, in life or in a dream.

Suspecting that he was still the Tom who was chasing other women, I cynically asked, ‘I suppose you’ll want an open marriage, now.’ He looked at me, kept smiling, but didn’t answer. I know the answer I expected. For years, whenever he appeared in a dream, he was always the cheating, heartless cad.

However, the very next night, I got my answer to that question, and it was a complete shock. In a very intense lucid dream, I saw Tom, just his head, arms, and bare chest in front of me. Drawn by an invisible force of love, I instantly flew into his waiting arms, wrapping my arms around his neck as we kissed deeply. I was overwhelmed by ecstasy and knew that I still loved him, which was extraordinary and a great relief, after years of being angry and even repulsed by him. And clearly, he still loved me and wanted me. I knew I belonged to him and he to me. It was a brief, but intensely satisfying feeling. In the following days, there were many more realizations that flowed out of this encounter.

I had never had a dream like about Tom, even when he was alive. I’d never felt like this about Tom, even when he was alive. And he certainly had never felt like this about me when he was alive. In the dream, I felt so cherished, so loved by him in an unconditional and joyful way that I knew with certainty I’d never felt that kind of love from Tom before, not ever.

At first, I felt so stunned by my own joyful feeling from this wonderful visitation of love with Tom, that I didn’t immediately think too deeply about what it meant. But as the days passed and feeling of happiness only deepened and became more secure, I revisited the events of the dream.

In the brief moments before I flew into Tom’s arms, I had been vaguely aware that previously, in life, there had always been a force keeping us apart. My sense was that some invisible, but palpable barrier had always existed between us in life; it was something that always kept us emotionally distant from each other.  

Then I asked myself why was he bare-chested? Then the expression to “make a clean breast of it,” came to mind. I looked it up. It fit perfectly. “The idiom “make a clean breast of” means to speak openly and honestly about something that was previously lied about or kept secret.” “It’s like baring your soul, revealing the truth without any concealment.” “So, it’s about coming clean and revealing the truth, even if it was concealed earlier.”

That was what the post “The I Word” had done for Tom and for me; it had made a clean breast of a secret, a terrible secret. Now Tom was free of that. He’d made “a clean breast of it,” and that invisible, but impenetrable barrier between us had vanished. With it gone, we were free to love each other fully and joyfully.

Lastly, I was puzzled that I was being carried in his arms. What was that all about? We’d never done anything like that in life, not even joking around. What was that? Then it hit me, of course, that’s how a man carries a woman across the threshold when they are first married. This dream visitation was our real marriage, without the invisible barrier; we were finally man and wife.

Predictably, I was so very happy that I became suspicious and disgusted with myself. Really, Marcy? Don’t be a dope. Having thought about this for a couple of weeks, I grew more and more skeptical. Obviously, I was just a lonely, old woman with a wish fulfillment dream à la Freud. Was I being a completely silly pushover for love, again?

Of course, this is my bedeviling self who never believes in anything, including myself. But when I thought more about it, why should I doubt this dream, when all the others have been actually proven true? I’d certainly had too much proof too many times to allow myself to be weak and doubtful. Believe, Marcy, believe!

I am sure in some other reality that Tom and I are together, or will be, and starting our happy marriage, at last. He had to make a clean breast of it to rid himself of his bedeviling self and come out from behind his wall of shame to love and be loved, truly, gloriously, and joyfully.

I know that in his heart behind the barrier, he had loved me as much as I loved him. I am glad that in my heart I have forgiven him completely and still can love him. Did our supreme joy last only a few seconds in that otherworldly place, or is time meaningless there? Are a few seconds an eternity when you find the one you love? It felt like that.

As never before, I am sure there is a magic in life that we are all yearning for. As it says in the song from the musical South Pacific about the tropical island we all dream of, “Bali Ha’i will call you, in your heart, you’ll hear it call you, come away, come away,” to that always distant “unattainable place of innocence and happiness.” Or perhaps it’s Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Or My Blue Heaven. So many of us have barriers that keep true love seemingly far away, barriers which make us doubt that love is real and meaningful.  

It’s my hope that this true love story helps change the future for others who have barriers around their souls that keep love out. Face it. Impossible and painful as it is, try to face it so you can hear love call you in your heart. I had it in a spiritual visitation with Tom now free from his shame. In dream time, it only lasted for a few seconds, but it was wonderful. I hope you find it in this world and make some part of this world a much happier place.